There’s so much talk out there today about being positive that people forget that being sad and despondent is okay and a part of life. Modern society has glossed over and hidden a lot of what used to be dealt with upfront; for example, the dying did so at home while the family gathered around supporting and caring, not leaving the final rite of passage to a disconnected staff at some foreign location with just a job to do.

But how do you handle difficult times? Finding out how to do so is certainly a critical part of everyone’s life-education or soft skills that few if any ever even begin to understand never mind master. An oft neglected skill that all cannot afford to go without.

So you’ve been doing everything in your power over an extended period of time to find a job, get your business off the ground, get that lost child back on track, or to aid a dying relative but you just can’t go on, so what do you do? Here’s some suggestions:

1. First, stop struggling. Yes, give up and let go. If you just keep forging ahead, at a certain point you’re just spinning your wheels. You need to stop, take a break, take some time off, get away or whatever you feel is necessary but you do need to first and foremost stop.’ Since you’re not getting anywhere, you certainly need to forge a new perspective or understanding or at least rest for a while. Also, how do you expect to get any help if you keep flapping about? There could be rescue or relief just out of reach that can give you a hand, maybe even save your life.

2. Second, get quiet. Of course, just like stopping during times of struggle, getting quite is just as challenging. But it is strictly at these times when it is most important to listen for a solution. In one case, a woman struggling with her child’s medical problem just couldn’t find help anywhere: family, friends, counselors, or physicians. So she turned to her non-judgmental paper and pen and turned to her wisdom within. She said that it was the only place she was able to find the insight and solution to her problem. But the key is that she remained calm enough to seek a solution. Once again, tough to do, but the point is that you don’t have a choice.

3. Third, get it out. At some point you’re just going to have to let it out: a good shout, scream, cry, kick, whatever you need. Just make sure the kids aren’t home and the neighbor’s don’t overhear the commotion and call the cops. You’ll probably need to vent, but don’t let it go too far. At some point the venting merely turns on itself and feeds the misery. Get it out and then let it pass. As the old saying goes, for every dark cloud there’s a silver lining. We all have to go through trials, and the more you understand and go through them successfully the more you strengthen the spirit to overcome the weaker body / mind.

4. Fourth, keep it to yourself. Don’t go sharing your misery with every person who comes along. Best to keep it amongst an intimate few. Even the most giving people feel helpless and will attempt to avoid you more out of a sense of helplessness than merely to avoid seeing you suffer.

5. Fifth, sit back and do nothing. It is critical at this juncture to allow the dust to settle. You’ve been struggling for so long putting forth a great effort without moving forward it has become critical to allow the solution to come to you. It’s there, you just have to listen. You’ve already practiced getting quiet; now is the time to use that quite to let the solution come to you. You will never find it railing against the ‘bad spirits’ who put you there, so allowing the calm to filter in enables intuitive understanding and insight or solution’s only wellspring to flow forth-that which comes from the inner you. In forcing yourself to calm, you strengthen the spirit while at the same time calling forth understanding, solution, and perspective to come from that same source. If you go long and deep enough, you will find not only clarity but the energy and determination to act, to act in a direction previously not seen amongst the tumult of your initial anguish.

Now how do I come to this understanding? Not from books but hard-earned personal experience. I’ve overcome depression, hopelessness, anger, debilitating anxiety, severe shyness, cancer, near homelessness, several trying failed engagements, losing jobs on several occasions, moving from Boston to Los Angeles without a dime, family member or friend, and spending years trying to get a business going with little success. But I would have it no other way. What I’ve learned and the strength, insight, and ability to aid others in their time of need is priceless.

Everyone can love those who love them, but to love those who despise and use that takes character. Just like everyone knows how to thrive in good times, but during difficult times she who has substance floats to the top passing those merely surviving on image. You need the tough times to prove the spirit to let it strengthen you as it triumphs over the weaker body / mind.

Here’s to your greater depth and strength of character as you build the most successful you. Here’s to your success.

For some time I had been walking through the faculty back entrance coming up on the backs of students as they allegedly worked away at the computers. I never took much notice until one day at about 8:00 in the a.m. I noticed a student playing a computer game. Nothing unusual, but what struck me as exceptional was that eight hours later he was still there. Yes, finishing my day, heading back through the computer lab to the faculty exit, I noticed at 4 p.m. that he was still playing!

Playing or play is the optimum word here. I discoverd over a span of seven years through personal observation that the majority of students at the computer lab were not working but rather playing: MySpace, texting, emailing, comptuer games. Thus confirming to me that the majority of students are unmotivated and confused as to what to do, the main reason the majority of students have not declared a major. But unlike popular opinion, this is not a time for students to find themselves. This work should have been done years ago so that when they reach adulthood they’re ready to take off not only to go to work and build a career, but to obtain personal fulfillment and self-actualization.

I will not be getting into work ethic in this article; rather I will address an issue that goes back further in a student’s preparation. Motivation.

And motivation here is not pep talk but rather a focus on the student’s innate talents, skills, abilities, and interests.

Everyone comes to this earth with certain things that they do better than most. But unfortunately, schools don’t focus on student interests, talents, abilities, or if they do, they do it poorly.

I know of a young lady of 23 who served her church mission in Peru. My wife, from Colombia, tells me that her Spanish is very good. Interestingly enough, her Spanish teacher told her that she would never speak Spanish. Here there is certainly the motivation of doing what she loves and believes in, motivation, but on the other side of the coin is a teacher whose focus is on de-motivation.

Too many times have I heard stories by well-know business people, entertainers, politicians, and so forth who spoke of school teachers or counselors who de-motivated or advised according to personal belief as to what the student should be doing with their lives.

I’ve heard of a famous movie director who was told he’d never be one and that he should think about teaching. A wealthy business guru who was told he should be a social worker. And so on and so forth, example after example of de- or mis-motivation or advice.

What is essential, key, critical is that an informed, open minded, third party work with the student early and often inquiring into what really gets him or her interested. Certainly there may be mis-starts or mis-informed starts, but eventually the student will get it right.

Key phrase here “student will get it right.” It is not for you or for me or for anyone to dictate choice and preference to the student but encourage him / her to pull forth honestly and with some effort what it is that they love to do and will benefit from not only monetarily but emotionally and spiritually. For as one moves closer and closer to their purpose, their calling in life he / she will begin to gain in energy, insight, direction, and purpose.

As one gets closer and closer to what she or he was put here to do, her / his path will begin to unfold and things will begin to happen as if being prodded and guided by a hidden hand. Many a successful person who has taken the time and put in the work to maximize and then realize this understanding has seen positive consequence.

This includes getting moving quickly or shooting then aiming. Once one has a substantial not perfect understanding of his / her talents, desires, abilities it is essential to get moving in a positive direction. And as you move, you will not only be informed what to do-winds of insight nudging you along the proper course here and there-but as understanding of your special purpose increases so will your confidence, power, and enthusiasm for life.

Personally, some eleven years ago I was self-informed that I was to go back to school, learn to write, teach, study, and gain knowledge / experience and then build my business. As I have done so, I have certainly had stops and starts, but as I have stayed true to my vision-not being sidetracked by doubt, alleged “better opportunities,” or any distraction–I have been rewarded in the extreme.

And as I made my way, it was interesting to note that in order to achieve my goal certain things helped me that occurred fortuitously that I could never have predicted. And this is key. As the student moves along his / her self-chosen path, due to a deep understanding of self, then the fortuitous becomes the anticipated and the expected.

Time and again you hear the successful, those following “their path,” speak to the point that it was fortunate or fate’s hand that lead them here or there or certain people or events occurred when they did. This phenomenon exists, yet too many get caught up in playing it safe, playing for the money, or playing someone else’s game and not sticking to their own.

One must develop self-understanding for proper goal setting and obtainment.

Then after this has been accomplished and the student is on his / her way, she / he must work to better themselves in regards to character or address and resolve major weaknesses and shortcomings that will undermine any level of talent, ability, gift, or skill. But that issue is for another time. However, a knowing of the self-interest, abilities, talents, etc.-concludes with the overcoming of weaknesses / shortcomings. From there, we work on acquiring additional knowledge, skills, attitudes that will aid in not only enhancing income but inner-peace and fulfillment that few too many ever achieve in life. For you certainly want to be like those who love what they do so much that sleep just gets in the way.

Don’t waste time or play games with your life. Come and live with us, those who enjoy this level of satisfaction and joy, and be of the few, the proud, the fulfilled.